What I Deserve

I had a talk with my Seester last week concerning the direction my life had taken and the topic of conversation swung around to the things I feel I deserve in life. That very same day when discussing the exact same topic with my oldest son, he posed the Robert H. Schuller question we’d discussed a couple days earlier: What would you do of you knew you could not fail? Both conversations left me without an answer because 1. I seriously have no clue what I deserve because for so long I’d been struggling to make positive advances and ended up receiving the short end of every stick, and 2. up until now pretty much all my attempts at “success”/happiness had ended up, what I considered, failures. With the exception of my children, of course. But both conversations started me thinking. I very well may not know what I truly deserve or want right now, but I am relatively positive on the opposite end of those scopes.

Most new age spiritualists teach that the Universe gives you a return of the energy you emit; whatever you want is what you’ll attract. They also teach that is you focus on the things you don’t want you will similarly attract those things as well. So it seems that by being so set on avoiding the things I know I don’t want/deserve, in theory, I’ve been ensuring I’ll receive more of that. So what do I do to change that cycle? I could start by listing the basics, the things I know are necessary to survival and move from there.

What are the basics? Oxygen, water, nutrition, exercise… Love, peace of mind, self acceptance… Above all else those are the essential things I need to sustain a mindset that propels me to attain the things I want. As those elements are established then I can begin to understand what it is I truly deserve. The process can’t happen any other way.

So today marks the point where I begin to work towards defining my just deserts in order to dig myself out of this trench of self pity. It won’t guarantee that every day forward will be completely void of darkness, but at least it will put me more in control of the recovery process.

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