I’m big on the realization that while people have the capacity to be spiteful, hurtful, and just outright cruel, I possess within myself the choice with how I’m affected by their behaviors. What I’m also big on is the realization that most people’s reaction to stimulus is grounded in either how they see themselves, what their intial intention may have been, or what their intention would be if they were in the perpetrator’s shoes.
Most often when we are hurt or offended, or even shamed, by something someone else has done we are prone to react defensively based on our interpretation of their actions. And most often that perspective is the product of projection, although few people will admit that. Considering we choose how we respond, and unless we enter into communication about an offense, how can we truly know what a person intends by their actions? Best we can do is speculate, especially when you know truth from the source won’t be forthcoming.
What I’ve been attempting to do is clear my “demons” by curbing my use of defensive projection. If a situation bothers me enough I could always choose to discuss it in order to resolve it, or choose to leave it where out less and get on with the rest of my life. No sense wasting time and energy devining another’s impetus based on information I don’t possess or offending myself by making it up.