Dialing Back

Everything decidedly ain’t for everybody. This is especially true when it comes to your life.

One of the things most people know about me is I’m unconventional. Next to that they know that I’ve always been open and largely accepting of my unconventional nature. The way I see it, having lived so long in the shadows as one of the original awkward black girls, my “coming out” had to be all encompassing to be authentic. The me a person met online had to be the exact same me they met in real life, and vis versa. I shared myself candidly without regard to outside opinion because… Why the hell not? It’s my life and I could be as “in your face” as I wanted to because… Well, why the hell not?! Nobody had to deal with it but me so whoever didn’t like it, ah well. Of course this was the position I took when I was young, spry, and “likable” in my precociousness, like a gangly fawn learning the strength of its legs. Now that I’m a seasoned matriarch with less to prove, it’s becoming necessary to not be as open for reasons of practicality and protection.

It’s not that I’m any less frank when it comes to who I am, who I love, what I stand for, or how I choose to live my life. It’s just that over the course of the past decade I’ve come to learn that the world isn’t as Kumbaya based as I once thought it was… Despite being told as much many times by my elders. My thinking was as long as I live my life and allow others to live theirs everything should be fine, right? Turns out, no. No matter how true to you you choose to live there will always be someone who tries to use it against you because it’s not how they would live your life, if given the opportunity. They can’t just take you with a grain of salt and keep it moving, so it becomes necessary to dial back how much of your life you choose to share. Or better yet, who you choose to share it with.

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One Response to Dialing Back

  1. I used to have that same thinking 10-15 years ago. As I gotten older, I realized that being open about all aspects of my life really didn’t do much for me and it just brought in unnecessary chatter. Now I just tell folks what I feel as if they should know. ‘Tis life.

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